Not by choice

I can't sleep

I know this feeling

There's a storm coming

My insides are twisting

I say I want peace

Am I a liar?

I want to win

But the victory is transparent 

What am I?

This dream

It's like I keep waking up

I like sleep

But it scares me

I've seen god

He wasn't there 

The hills are gone

It's a desert

The man is a ghost 

I'm not here

Not usually 

The separation kills me

I'm choking

My neck 

I feel it there

I'm weak with strength

I want you

The beauty of the song

It haunts me

My love terrifies me

My heart is smashed

And glued

I won't leave

Not on my own accord

Embark

One more round 

A quiet sound

An unseen fog

An underdog

I am him

And we are them

The sunken gem

Amongst the men

Lend and send

My mind will bend

Until it's there

From nowhere

Feel the air

Sit and stare

Find the still

That fits the bill

I'm all and all

The one to fall

My old is gold

And does unfold

Unto the front

Of my hunt 

My eye to you

Looking through

I steal the dark

Embark

Average

I'm average

Nothing great

Run of the mill

I'm crazy in a way

Trying to pass

For above average

Fuck it all

I represent

I'm average

All the average fucks out there

I am you

Pay attention

Trouble is a weird thing

It just shows it's head

I swear I'm doing all the right things

It was the fight

But it's the crazy normality

It's something that doesn't feel right

It's one of those things that I'm sensing

Kicking doesn't help

Sometimes I'm not sure cutting works

Look at it

I'm falling asleep

It's mine

I don't care if it was phantom

The feel was right

It still feels good

I saw the worst last night

The bad delivered with a smile

I'm still here

The river has not dried

I'm alive 

The circle

This is my own

I've always wanted it

It's something that I can hold

I can work with the circle

River

I wrote songs

Something new

From the sphere

The warmth

I'm returning 

But there's a strange feeling

In my neck

I'm choking

Just the feeling

I used to feel this as a child

I'm clearing the way

But as I do this comes to me

It's funny now

It doesn't bother me

I used to freeze

To shake

To squirm

But now I'm just present

Without judgement 

I don't want to be bad

I'm attracted to the warm

The circle

In my body

Where am I in my body?

Do you know?

The music is returning

It's also strange

It's a river

That's what I heard

I think I'm there

Hotel dream

I was running

I was waiting

I was angry

I was fast

I was climbing 

Exploring 

In the end I was hiding

In the dark

The police were chasing my person

I was in the shadows

Someone was approaching me

I didn't know if he was an enemy or a friend

When he got close I woke

Before that there were French fries

Late fries 

I was in socks

The floor was wet

Before that there was an elevator

Hotel dream

I was running

I was waiting

I was angry

I was fast

I was climbing 

Exploring 

In the end I was hiding

In the dark

The police were chasing my person

I was in the shadows

Someone was approaching me

I didn't know if he was an enemy or a friend

When he got close I woke

Before that there were French fries

Late fries 

I was in socks

The floor was wet

Before that there was an elevator

Probably

No one said that building an empire was going to be easy

Everyone wants to bring down the king

Even if no one knows he's the king

The voices in his head are calling for his head

Why do the voices want an outcome that will lead to their demise?

The voices in my head are like republicans who vote against their own interest

Do the voices in my head feel there is a better situation?

Who are they?

Why so many voices?

It's getting loud in here

I can't hear with all the screaming

Die

And they tell me the same

It's war

I want death

They want death

And no one wins

What does a guy have to do to acheive victory around here?

Surrender? 

Probably

What does a guy have to do to get answers around here?

Stop asking questions?

Probably

Glass of chaos

I'm so close all the time

It's constantly as if it could go both ways

Dark or light

Stress or free

It's jail or flight

Seems to be running

But more like a dream

I almost escape my head sometimes

I feel high

Then I'm pulled back in

But I remember

I'm building

I guess I'll continue 

I'm trying to enjoy myself

I laugh more

I cried

Or at least I felt close

It's getting better

But it's like I'm on the other side of a glass wall

Beyond the glass is a nightmare

My side of the glass is like a Carwash 

I see the car going through

I'm inside but I'm touching the glass of chaos

You first

Waiting waiting waiting for nothing

Expecting expecting expecting

You're not fucking pregnant!

Hoping and dreaming

It fades

You're left behind

Memories are bullshit

They're pretend

They're nothing

Except the death

This brings the memories of regret

Memories are everything 

But they're not for the weak in spirit

Don't be a coward

We have too many

We're all scared already

Be scared

You can't help that

Walk straight into the thought

Walk straight into the worst case

I've been there

It all eventually evaporates

It's not real

Nothing is

Unless you say it is

Some type of a circle

I'm beyond lost now

I could say it's dark but it's more than that

I have quiet periods

I see colors

I'm high

But sometimes I'm in too much pain

It's all there

As ugly as I can be

I am beautiful

I hate this

But this is life

I can't seem to embrace this truth

But unfortunately truth eventually embraces us all

I didn't think I could still stand

But my legs work

Today I got up and walked

I'm not here but I am somewhere

It's not the end

I'm back again

It's some type of a circle