This way

It's life
It's the way
It's what's written
I don't have a say
It's nature
It's the course of things
It's always
It's what mother brings

The ceiling

Staring at the ceiling
My mind chips peeling
Seeking some feeling
Without unreeling

No understanding
Just more demanding
Looking for landing

Avoiding the rough
Growing more tough

Just looking

Child of the week

Every dog has its day, even Stonepab. All week long he goes to the front of the line. I like to stand in front of the line with him and pretend that I'm father of the week.

On the couch again

How many hours have been spent
In the lapse of coherent judgement?
In the line of darkness with a cushion
In the mind of numbness I'm pushin
The longest of lives is holding time
Forgotten friends of strings unwind
Tales of sterling shine are told
And failing whispers horizontal hold
Me I'm nothing more than life
So sitting here laying next to wife

Open mic

The guys already talking about mushrooms.

I'm about to go up. Hearts beating a little faster.

Bill says will has a porn mustache.

Ok here I go.

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It went as well as could be expected and by that I mean it went awesome. That's a pic of me below giving a thumbs up in the lobby of the Irvine Suites as I write the end of this blog.

Now it's time to go home and edit the first three scenes of the movie.

Back in Jiujitsu

The daydreamer is in class right now. Today me and the dreamer ditched school and went to the skate park. Life's good right now...as long as you ignore the landlord. The master told me once "no stressin in the session". I used to stress so much but now I'm letting go. The master also told me "the party starts when the worrying stops". I think I made it to the party.

Me and the dreamer are flying high, our heads in the clouds with our skate boards on the ground. I'm surfing the wave, it's now. I'm tripping. It's fun.

Tonight I'm funny...see ya there.

Love

How does the saying go? I think it's something like, "True love is a woman who knows her way around the kitchen." Ok so I made that up. She cooked and did the dishes. She brings home the bacon and fries it up too! That's vegan bacon in this metaphors just so you know.

The God test

I'm once again at jiujitsu praying that my kids aren't the worst behaved in class. So far there is a God.

I just downloaded the blogger app so I'm pretty much writing this blog to test it out. My wife checked with the Chinese calendar and it told her that I've had a shitty life so far but it should be getting better in my 40's, 50's, and 60's...so I'm looking forward to that.

As I try to finish up this little blog my youngest is getting reprimanded for not bowing before he gets back on the mat. I'm now agnostic.

I wanted to hit publish but the same kid got reprimanded again. There is no God...only a Chinese calendar.

Change takes its time

Sometimes change is so slow that you just say,"Forget you change! I'm going home." And then you go home only to find that your home is gone...everything changed. Then you forget how long change took and you think change is an overnight thing. Almost as quick as the time I promised God I would change if he would just let me stop throwing up and live, only to forget God as soon as I felt better. God doesn't exist...unless you think you're gonna die. That's when change comes, when you don't die, but not as much as when you do.

Two sides to comedy:

1. Being true to yourself

2. Connecting with an audience and really making them laugh

When you're at your best you've combined both.

Flawed glue

The title says something but not the intent
From my head to the paper is a strange journey
One that is walked on with invisible ink
I lay down as the tide has left me
But when it returns I have no plan
To seek shelter was my ways but now I'm still
The sun is out and my skin is warmed for a moment
But my head is still frozen
Frozen in the realm of other
With you

The Snoop

I work for a company that seems like it's ran by a crack addict.  What I mean by that is everyone seems to be paranoid.  My job is to watch someone and then report to the corporate office if they mess up.  Then there's someone in the office who's job is to watch me and then make a report when I mess up.  I imagine there's someone watching that guy because one time he admitted to me that he was afraid his boss was spying on him through a camera in his computer.

The whole company is constantly walking on eggshells because you never know when someone is going to report you.  I imagine the owner of the company sits in his office with TV screens everywhere, and he watches everyone, as he pets a hairless kitten who sits on his lap.

What I'm trying to say is, my job stresses me out.  So I better not screw around, I better start spying on people and telling on them if I ever want to relax.

I get to travel for my job.  I've spied on people in Oklahoma, Arkansas, Texas, Tennessee...all the fly over states.  Those are the states in the middle that everyone flies over when they're going someplace good.

I'm an aspiring comedian, so one perk of the job is that I get to perform comedy in different states at night.  I got this job in Albuquerque, New Mexico one time and I looked online to find the local comedy scene.  I went to a couple open mics and made new comedy friends.

My job was scheduled to last for ten days.  When I was in my hotel room, flipping through the channels at midnight I stumbled across a local channel that was airing a comedy show.  I googled the name of the show and sent them an email with my info...turns out they liked me and had room for one more act the following Saturday, which was 6 days away. My job was scheduled to go another 7 days so I was booked on a local TV show that aired throughout New Mexico and Colorado.

I work for a marketing company that puts advertising door-hangers on peoples front doors for people like K-mart and Target.  I honestly hate the job.  I feel like we're littering on peoples houses.

There's a driver and 8 walkers who distribute the door hangers and it's my job to make sure they don't throw them away.  It's basically my job to make sure that we put our litter on peoples homes and not in the garbage.

Like I said, my company is paranoid.  And when you're paranoid you need to spy on people.  So we give the driver a GPS phone so I can know where he is at all times.  I also have a gps phone so the office can watch me and each of the 8 walkers has a gps clicker that they are supposed to click everytime they deliver a flyer (Or litter on someone's house), however you look at it.

To be honest, I don't spy on people that hard, it just doesn't matter to me.  I'm usually just driving around the area listening to podcasts and thinking about where I'm going to eat lunch.

This particular job was different.  The crew I was watching were delivering 10,000 doorhangers a day.  This gut was telling me that something was fishy, these guys weren't good enough to deliver that much in a day.  Usually I wouldn't really care but at this rate the job was going to end early, and I wasn't going to be able to perform on TV!  That's BS, no one takes away TV time from me.

I started actually doing my job.  The thought occurred to me "If you want to catch a criminal, you have to think like a criminal."  For some reason I like to think like a criminal.  If I were these guys who had to deliver the door-hangers I would want to throw them out too.  I wanted to bust these guys, not because I disagreed with what they were doing but because I had a gig to get to.  I guess I'm just motivated when my comedy gig's are threatened.

The driver would drop off the walkers far apart from each other so it was hard for me to catch them dumping.  But I put my mind to it...I started watching the GPS of the van on my laptop and when it came to a stop I would write down the address.

Finally I went to where the van had stopped and I couldn't see any door-hangers on any homes and the walkers were nowhere to be seen.  I drove around the block for fifteen minutes until I finally spotted the walkers starting to hang door-hangers at the original address I was looking to find them.  Something was up.  What were these guys doing for fifteen minutes.  I started combing the dumpsters in the area until I hit the jackpot, over 600 door-hangers under some trash.

I took pictures of the dumpster for evidence, sent an incident report to corporate, and waited for the driver to meet me.  The driver was a big man, he became very upset...started yelling and cursing.  Suddenly I wasn't feeling like I was in a safe place.  I started walking backwards as he yelled at one of the walkers who were denying it.  Apparently what happens is I send in my report, the guy at my office yells at someone from his office, the guy from that office yells at the driver and then the driver yells at the walker and fires him.

The driver told me it wouldn't happen again, but the next day I found another dumpster filled with door-hangers.  Same thing.  I tell on him, my office yells at his office, his office yells at him, he fires another walker and then this time this big, scary driver, starts crying.

Their production level became way slower.  Two people got fired and at least one person cried, all because I did my job.  The good news is I got on local TV!

The end