Get rid of the weight

I'm sliding
The only way to slide is down
I guess at least you have to had made it up a ways in order to get the slide
I think I've made it to great hieghts
Definitely high enough to give me a fast fucking ride down
So much to loose
How did I get so much?
I have some good stuff too
Stuff that people search their entire lives for
But it's not all good stuff
I have a lot of stuff
Everywhere is stuff
But the most stuff is between my ears
There's so much stuff there
Does anyone know where the release valve is?
This stuff weighs a lot
The weight is making me slide
...must get to the release valve
I've got to get rid of all this weight

What do they want?

I want something for nothing but there's no such thing
I keep on trying but disappointment's my king
The baggage that comes always bites
It's many sleepless and restless nights

The sweat and the blue
It's all one new shade
To quick to the new
Doesn't pass the grade

Under the top
Under the pile
Unheard of mop
And a slippery tile

Quick is the pace
The practice of none
Aged is the face
That's how they won

Winners and losers

My wife is like me, she didn't know what to do with her life...so she's a yoga teacher.  Loser.  My wife ended up marrying me and I can't give up dreaming.  Loser.  My wife had kids with me, which means, guessed it, I get to stay married to a yoga teacher! Winner.

My road

Another song for the dead mans walk
Another side road another nights talk
A mother has worries but she can't see
The real life hauntings inside of me
The road does wind and starts to fade
Along the edges there was a parade
The songs were sang in the tongue of Spanish
But now the faces have seemed to vanish
Alone with only the thoughts of fear
As the road does finally dissapear
I'm left here to find my way
It's all I've got to make the day

It's a good one

Gratitude to the sky
the look I get from your eye
the smile you send to me
the touch that sets me free
the passage of drunk to not
the look to see what I've got
the laughter from the thing you said
the calmness that surrounds my head
from dissapointment to the smile
from loosing to the thousanth mile

I'm funny again!

I'm sitting in a packed bar with an audience covered in silence. I'm going on last. The guy puts the least funniest person last. I hate the guy. I'm secluded in the back, alone in my head. The last time I was here I had panic attacks. I have an anxiety disorder. I'm the anxiety guy who likes to go on stage.

Ok scratch everything. I've been in a month long depression because I lost my comedy mojo. Now tonight no comedians were doing good. But...I got up there and killed! I've broken the curse. I'm funny again.

nothing again

again, again, again
Time
again, again, again
Hell
over and over and over
Home
over and over and over
Head
Thinking and thoughts and thinking
Twisted
Thinking and thoughts and thinking
Tired
Freak and shots and freaks
Inside
Freak and shots and freaks
Nothing
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
Nothing

Love mirage

The twist is where the balance is
If there's no twist it's too far right
Right turns are downward turns
Down is fast and the walk back up is slow
The walk up is painful on the legs
The twist
It heals the back
You need it
I need it
I need you
I need love
I chase it
It's hard to catch love
Stop the run
It stops too
The mirage again
Another love mirage
Find others to give it to
You think you don't have enough
But you have more than enough
Give the love
Then the mirage becomes a real home

half asleep poems rhyme

Too much weight
Night time reels
Time taken feels
All was great
Go there right
And leave today
Tired goes this way
That's your fight
Mines to hope
And not to frighten
The kitchen is lighten
Go there dope
It's the dope who does
Travel to the dreams
This is what seems
To loose my golden buzz

Don't make her mad

Trouble in the winter
But it's not much different than any other time
It's just problems while cold
Sometimes the cold becomes such a problem that I forget my real problems
But nothing can cover the issues in my stomach
Nothing fills that hole
Not all the snow in Tahoe
Not all the snow in Escobar's nose
My hat is falling
I'm not taking it off but it no longer wants me to wear it
This has nothing do with you lady
This is the lady inside
Don't cross her

Kill the animal if you want to live

The animals
we try to imitate
we try to conceal
we try to learn
we try to kill
we hate
we love
rolling
running
flying
fighting
jumping
dancing
fucking
I'm out in the fields
sweating
the sun
it's so hot
I'm sweating
I'm moving
my mind is numbing
the bugs
the wild
the untrainable
it's trainable
if you kill what's inside
kill the animal

My travelers

Me and my guy from across the sea
Travel with the rich that don't see me
It's a little like blindness but looking down
A smirk on the face of the kissing clown
Me and my girl from across the land
Travel like we're friends who can't understand
Kisses are old but the touches are good
And the feeling of it all is what's understood

It's crazy to stop lying

Bursts of anger
Out of the ocean of depression
And the sky of terror
The world is fucked through these lenses
I can hold it in to a point
But no one can seperate the sea
Unless you believe in lies
I'm unable to do it
And miserable because of it
Why can't I lie anymore?
I've tried lying to myself before
It was beautiful
It no longer works
Now all I'm left with is ramblings
From a crazy mind
One that can't lie anymore
The more you stop lying the crazier you get

The thing

Have you ever suddenly woke up because you were afraid you were leaving your body?
I have
A few times
Today it happened
I think I'm done
with what I don't know
If I knew that I'd tell you
But I think I'm done
Definitely done with something
What is it that I'm done with?
The thing that makes me feel so bad
I want to be done
I quit
Just tell me what that thing is
Then I quit for sure
But then the new thing comes
You know the new thing, right?
The new thing that makes you feel bad
There's always a new thing
There's never not a thing
I wish there was not a thing
But that's the messed up thing
There's always a thing
Quit one thing and up pops the next thing
If it's not one thing it's another
And that's life
Can you live by the rule's of life?
The rule that says there will always be a thing.
So if you try to remove the thing it gets bigger
If you leave the thing a new one comes
Are you supposed to accept the thing
I hate the thing
It makes me feel terrible
How can I accept it?
This is life

The circles of nowhere

I'm running
Slow at first
But I'm in movement
Sometimes it's good to move
Sometimes it's good to rest
I lay on the couch a lot in the attempt to relax
But all I really do is stress out about what I'm not doing
Then I start doing
I don't stop
I go
And go
Sometimes in circles
Then people get mad so I stop
Then I stress for not moving
So eventually I start up again
Repeat the steps and then people get mad
So I stop
Repeat
Again and again

These circles don't lead anywhere
I keep ending up where I started
What if we were in a fish bowl?
I feel that way
I can't change
No one can change
Unless their told
Or more likely forced

I get forced to leave my circle sometimes
Now I'm floating in space
Lost
The circle was grounding
I might have hated myself but at least I knew who I hated
I don't know anything now

Floating

My head is not good

I get these headaches
They're terrible
I felt fine yesterday
I did a comedy set at a bar last night
When I got off stage my head felt like it was going to explode
It felt like my brain was swollen and my skull was getting crushed
I couldn't sleep
I tried but my two boys have taken my place in the bed
I'm uncomfortable
I'm in pain
I'm not right
I go downstairs and just pace
Back and forth
I lay on the couch
I try to pinch my hand to see if that makes the pain in my head go away
It doesn't

I watch a movie about a guy who want's to follow his dream
And a girl who wants him to give it up
He chooses his dream
I finally get a couple hours of sleep on the couch
My wife wakes me and makes me tea

Life is confusing
And painful
And funny
And beautiful

Some air please

The breathing is weird
Is it rapid?
It's the shallow breaths
Breath through your stmomach
Not the chest
Hold in all the air you can
Get faint
Get dizzy
Get fried
Stop
The breath is gone
I'm gone
I can't breath
I'll give you anything for a breath
One breath
Just some fresh air

I thought I was human

Someone hit me in the face
At least throw something in my face
Maybe some food?
Scratch that
I shove enough food in my face already
Slap me
Pinch me
Tackle me
Tickle me?
Just touch me
I don't think I can feel
I'm numb
Can I feel?
Am I here?
Am I real?
Am I a robot?
What if I'm a robot who just realized he's a robot?
It's that moment that the robot, who thinks he's human
And then finds out that he's a robot
That moment is terrible
I think I'm having that moment
I thought I was human
It was so real
But I'm not
I'm a fucking robot
Fuck!
I knew there was something wrong
But I never thought it was this

I guess there's nothing left to do but to log off the mainframe

Still here

Living the side
Skating the thing line
The thin surface
The ice
The possible tragedy
The webs
The lies
The moments of true
The smiles
The slams

It's still going
It's not ending
I'm here
Here
Still

Ride the ride

It feels so good when it's hear
How long can I stay?
I'm so close and it's near
What stands in my way?
Hit the bag and don't hold back
Stand the frame tall
Pull the line free from slack
Stand inside it all
Walk the door
Through the tide
To the core
Ride the ride

In her arms

When you get back into her arms there's nothing like it
The feeling of coming home after being lost is beyond comforting
When you loose something and then find it you know what you now have
What was once just there is now everything, it's my heart
I don't want to lie and when I'm in her arms I'm in the blanket of truth
Warm
Protected
I love her arms

But still I leave, I have to go out
I get lost, for longer
It's colder
I loose more and more of myself
I hurt myself
But I found home again
I want to bring her arms with me
I want to bring home with me

Everywhere I go I want to be at home
In her arms

The race must end

These headaches are too much
so much so I can't even touch
the one that's close
the one I love
it hurts the most
when I'm thinking of
the plans in my mind
the impossible kind
the one to conquer the world
that one makes me hurt
as much as I love the girl
I'm covered in dirt
so now it's the pain
inside of my brain
I've got to get clear
to get to that place
if feels so near
I'm ending the race

Normal is the lie

What if normal is denial?
What if everyone who is seemingly normal are great at avoiding the truth?
What if the guy who seems crazy isn't crazy?
What if he is just unable to lie?
What if the truth makes you crazy?
The ultimate truth.
Maybe the ultimate truth is unknowable.
But in order to be normal you can't even try to know.
The second you think about these things you're sense of wellness is gone.

I can't keep the lie going.
My walls of lies are tearing down.
Of the world.
Of my world.
I can't live the lie and it's driving me crazy.

I guess I'll let go

Before the mornig terror hits
Unless you're woken up by it
There's a moment of peace
A breif glimpse of hope?
Or maybe there's a mirage
Either way, it's a well lit room
I like those
The moment before the walls cave in
it's usually when things are the best
Right before your world crashes in around you
it's hard to enjoy these moments when you become aware of the pattern
then one day you find out that patterns are bullshit
then you truly are lost
is there any choices left at this point?
I guess I'm gonna let go...if that's an option.

The feeling of fall

The danger of fear seems so real at first
then I breath and realize nothing has changed
the feeling of dying seems the worst
and the feeling of falling's unreal and strange

I went on the ride, I'm the one who stood in this line
i don't collide, but I feel it in my spine

the fall without the slam gets me every time.

Further than ever

Life's blackness
The heart of never
Slack in the pull
Cracks in the pavement
The basement is cold
Wet, drips of green
Turnstiles of hate
Turning plates in the sea
Rust on the machine
Frozen ache
Hells button
Fire of the haunt
Panic of the level
None is too much
It gets deeper always
It runs further

Confessing nonsense

Headaches and drums
Added up sums
Running from the toll
And coming up with coal
Frightening praise
An irreverent phase
Awful noise there
Something forces a stare
Leaving the cryptic note
Throwing up on the boat
Trampling the night
Singing so tight
Upstairs lies the frown
Downstairs lives the gown
Taken to perform
From cold to warm
After is the mess
Jesus does confess

Who has the time to try?

New nightmares
Same as the old ones
Less scary after you've seen the movie
New alarm clock
Works the same
Except alarm clocks stop working when you start to not care
Fuck it let me sleep
What's real?
Is your life real?
You don't know molecules!
You don't know the ultimate paradox!!
You don't know of the sacred!!!
The place that is but a glimpse of a word that means nothing
A sign post
The sign post is not enlightenment
It is only a sign post
I've made a home out of sign posts
Now I can't leave
Unless I try
And who has the time for that!

I'm allergic to reality

I hate reality
Please keep it away from me
It's just that I'm allergic to it
If I swallow it my throat swells up and I can't breath
I have a condition where I could die if given too much reality
There's people out there that want to see me dead
People that want to poison me
With their reality
I need a taster
The king needs a taster
I can't risk someone slipping reality into my food
Just the thought of tasting reality is making me nauseous
I might puke

All I'm saying is this:

If you want to get real, don't even talk to me