I work for a company that seems like it's ran by a crack addict.
What I mean by that is everyone seems to be paranoid. My job is to
watch someone and then report to the corporate office if they mess up.
Then there's someone in the office who's job is to watch me and then
make a report when I mess up. I imagine there's someone watching that
guy because one time he admitted to me that he was afraid his boss was
spying on him through a camera in his computer.
The
whole company is constantly walking on eggshells because you never know
when someone is going to report you. I imagine the owner of the company
sits in his office with TV screens everywhere, and he watches everyone,
as he pets a hairless kitten who sits on his lap.
What
I'm trying to say is, my job stresses me out. So I better not screw
around, I better start spying on people and telling on them if I ever
want to relax.
I get to travel for my job. I've spied
on people in Oklahoma, Arkansas, Texas, Tennessee...all the fly over
states. Those are the states in the middle that everyone flies over
when they're going someplace good.
I'm an aspiring
comedian, so one perk of the job is that I get to perform comedy in
different states at night. I got this job in Albuquerque, New Mexico
one time and I looked online to find the local comedy scene. I went to a
couple open mics and made new comedy friends.
My job
was scheduled to last for ten days. When I was in my hotel room,
flipping through the channels at midnight I stumbled across a local
channel that was airing a comedy show. I googled the name of the show
and sent them an email with my info...turns out they liked me and had
room for one more act the following Saturday, which was 6 days away. My
job was scheduled to go another 7 days so I was booked on a local TV
show that aired throughout New Mexico and Colorado.
I
work for a marketing company that puts advertising door-hangers on
peoples front doors for people like K-mart and Target. I honestly hate
the job. I feel like we're littering on peoples houses.
There's
a driver and 8 walkers who distribute the door hangers and it's my job
to make sure they don't throw them away. It's basically my job to make
sure that we put our litter on peoples homes and not in the garbage.
Like
I said, my company is paranoid. And when you're paranoid you need to
spy on people. So we give the driver a GPS phone so I can know where he
is at all times. I also have a gps phone so the office can watch me
and each of the 8 walkers has a gps clicker that they are supposed to
click everytime they deliver a flyer (Or litter on someone's house),
however you look at it.
To be honest, I don't spy on
people that hard, it just doesn't matter to me. I'm usually just
driving around the area listening to podcasts and thinking about where
I'm going to eat lunch.
This particular job was
different. The crew I was watching were delivering 10,000 doorhangers a
day. This gut was telling me that something was fishy, these guys
weren't good enough to deliver that much in a day. Usually I wouldn't
really care but at this rate the job was going to end early, and I
wasn't going to be able to perform on TV! That's BS, no one takes away
TV time from me.
I started actually doing my job. The
thought occurred to me "If you want to catch a criminal, you have to
think like a criminal." For some reason I like to think like a
criminal. If I were these guys who had to deliver the door-hangers I
would want to throw them out too. I wanted to bust these guys, not
because I disagreed with what they were doing but because I had a gig to
get to. I guess I'm just motivated when my comedy gig's are
threatened.
The driver would drop off the walkers far
apart from each other so it was hard for me to catch them dumping. But I
put my mind to it...I started watching the GPS of the van on my laptop
and when it came to a stop I would write down the address.
Finally
I went to where the van had stopped and I couldn't see any door-hangers
on any homes and the walkers were nowhere to be seen. I drove around
the block for fifteen minutes until I finally spotted the walkers
starting to hang door-hangers at the original address I was looking to
find them. Something was up. What were these guys doing for fifteen
minutes. I started combing the dumpsters in the area until I hit the
jackpot, over 600 door-hangers under some trash.
I took
pictures of the dumpster for evidence, sent an incident report to
corporate, and waited for the driver to meet me. The driver was a big
man, he became very upset...started yelling and cursing. Suddenly I
wasn't feeling like I was in a safe place. I started walking backwards
as he yelled at one of the walkers who were denying it. Apparently what
happens is I send in my report, the guy at my office yells at someone
from his office, the guy from that office yells at the driver and then
the driver yells at the walker and fires him.
The
driver told me it wouldn't happen again, but the next day I found
another dumpster filled with door-hangers. Same thing. I tell on him,
my office yells at his office, his office yells at him, he fires another
walker and then this time this big, scary driver, starts crying.
Their
production level became way slower. Two people got fired and at least
one person cried, all because I did my job. The good news is I got on
local TV!
The end
