Bored

Whenever I here the word or think to my self, "I'm bored." I here some adults voice from when I was a kid saying, "That's because you're boring."

OK. I guess I'm boring. That's what happens when you have no direction in life. No people in life except for the TV. When I was a kid I was able to tune out on TV for 18 hours straight. I'm not talking about watching TV and learning things. Complete tune out.

That's my life, a tune out. That's my nature, to tune out. A space cadet. It's not that I'm stupid, I think it might be the opposite (of course I would think that). If you're too smart, maybe smart isn't the right word, too "sensitive" then you are apt to take in more pain. More beauty too, but I tend to lean towards pain. You analyze, you see the worst, you feel the worst.

Who wants to feel the worst? Not me. So I tune out.

So tuning out is boring. It's no way to spend life. I'm numb, years of pain killing boredom has made me numb. I'm trying to break through the numbness, but it goes deep. Almost to the core. But we all have a core and that's where the real deal is. Some people spend their entire life ignoring the core. Others are knocked by life to wake you up. Maybe that's what the random bleakness of life is all about? To wake us up.

I choose being awake, but making the choice is not enough, you have to make a decision. The word decision is similar to the word incision and what it means is to cut yourself off from. To make a decision to not be numb you have to cut yourself off from all things numb.