Focus

OK so I've heard the line "You are what you eat" and it definitely applies to me right now in more ways than one. I've been eating candy and ice cream in morning for breakfast. I don't know why I'm doing it but I am. I tell myself, "Duke, I don't think you are going to have a good day if you eat this candy first thing in the morning." But I ignore that voice and listen to another, louder voice which says, "Fuck it."

After I eat the ice cream and candy I lay on the couch and start regretting the past and basically regretting the present and future. I see no hope. I'm laying in this mess of bleakness and when I'm there it seems almost impossible to get out. My wife even takes the hint and gets her and the kids out of the house.

I am what I eat. The food I eat and the thoughts I decide to buy into.

The one thing that I give myself credit for and ata boys for is that I have done yoga and writing every day for over 48 days straight.

At least I'm flexible.

I knew going into this (I kind of have this goal in my head to do 90 days in a row to create a habit) that road blocks would appear. It's so weird that we have this part of ourselves that wants us to fail. A part of ourselves that is comfortable failing.

I don't want to fail. I'm at war right now. I'm at war within myself. There's great battles being waged right now and I'm hoping that I can come out of it still breathing.

Atheism is for rich people. When you are poor it's too much to not have some type of a universal supreme being. It's too much to not have some type of a force to tap into.

Knowledge doesn't do it for me when all the walls of my life and my brain are caving in on me. I need a place to go. I need to something to give these problems to. Maybe poor people are week.

I believe there is more than what we can see. This spiritual realm is where I want to focus my time and energy. The bottom line is it's much more fun to believe in a higher power. A fourth dimension.

The democrats loose because they try to sell you rational thought. The republicans win because they sell you emotion. Emotion wins every time, even if it's a lie.

I need both. There's something strong in the realm of emotion. I don't want to get lost there but I do want to spend time there. There's something beyond thought, something that holds power.

I am what I focus on and I want to focus on the spirit. To live in the spirit is to be alive.

It's also just more fun than.