Comedy and being yourself

When I first started doing comedy I was getting laughs for being awkward.  I threw myself down self conscious alley and soon it became a crutch.  The thing is, in the beginning you need to get the laughs, this is the most import thing.  Once you figure out how to get the laughs you can start to tweak things.  It still sucks having to rely on a crutch.  I remember I used to want to wear a certain shirt that I thought was a little nerdy and tuck it in just to get the awkward feel going.

The worst part is when you start trying to be yourself but you can't because you're using crutches.  It's kind of like when Forrest Gump was learning how to run with leg braces on.  That's exactly where I am in my comedy right now, I'm trying to run and I'm wearing leg braces.  Hopefully they'll break off and if I'm lucky enough I'll be able to run and not just fall on my face.

Unfortunately I think that falling on my face might be in the cards for me.  This is comedy.  I have a little chunk of my act that really just feels like me talking.  It's like I'm breathing fresh air.  I'm starting to see that I might be able to actually do comedy and be myself at the same time.  This is my goal.

Tonight I'm performing in Costa Mesa at the Westside Bar and Grill, my goal is to relax and have fun.  I'm bringing an old friend "Dealer's Choice" on stage to play guitar and sing behind me.  I'm ready to rock!  And laugh (hopefully).

Love in the rough

"You're doing science in your mind right now!  You're doing science in your mind and the science says,'I get a playdate!'" - Stone Fightmaster

I live with the smiles
I live for the whiles
I trudge the miles

And you're a broken mold

All of the heart
All that's smart
Way off the chart

We're in the fold

Taken from grace
Filling the space
blinding like mace

You come and you wake

From start to end
You're brother's friend
The feels you send

Mine for the take

Thank you
I love you know matter what

Split and shattered

Late for life
the time has passed
the alarm is broke
I've slept through madness
I've awakened to pain
all the memory is what's avoided
I looked to hope and found it dying
I threw my rage unto the wall
my girl just missed the senseless anger
pointless is the surface facts
I stepped back in
and was placed on the rails
I'm relying on something that holds
it's not slipping or disheartening
my medicine must be taken
surfing the wave of untold signs
I stand
I fall
I break
I feel
until I'm split and then shattered

The lonely crowd

The explorer who doesn't find
the traveler who sits
the discoverer who sees nothing new
the writer who stares
the skater who stands
the surfer who's dry
the quiet singer
the thirsty drinker
the lonely lover
the boring inspiration
the loud meditation
the crowded silence

I'm you

but I'm also me

today I partake

Surf the wave

The ocean is what I use for my template
I believe a lot of what the girl says
There's a few holes in the story and people want to throw it all out
Not me
I think there's vibrations
We can't see them
Sometimes I feel them
I think thoughts can create them
I can put it out in the universe
It's like learning to surf
You need a healthy fear of the ocean
It can fuck you up
And it does
Innocent people
That one dude got bitten in half
There's monsters living in there
But if you pay attention
And respect the rules
You can get on the vibration
You can hit it on a good day
Every day is different
You can surf the waves
That's just the beginning
You can add style
You can get inside
You can get high
At the same time that it can fuck you up
It can awaken your spirit
Learn the rules
Learn the vibe
Surf the wave

Where's my stories

It seems like there's a million
I used to love and listen to the greats
Laughing was always my favorite
I want to tell them but they seem to have dissapeared
I'm looking back and I don't see much
Just a bunch of dirt in the air
What's the big deal?
Why is this so difficult?
We were a group
Why did they want to leave?
They didn't
I want to bring the dead to life
I want to bring my Dad back to life
I don't want him to get drunk
Or yell
Or leave
Or die
Where did the stories go?
Why can't I tell them?
Or can I?
I wasn't born with the gift
Not the whole gift
Half
The other half is work
That's where I am
Everyday

Trying hurts others

I'm back
I went there again
All signs say to avoid this door
But I opened it
My computer crashed
I was poking at the center of the mainframe
the system was about to blow
then everything went dark

why can't I look?
Why does my harddrive fail?
Why does everyone pretend this door isn't there
I want to open it again
It's all I used to think about
I went to the doctor
I took the prescription and it worked
I've lost the doctors number
he doesn't want me to look
it hurts him
I don't want to hurt the doctor
I like him
but I hurt him when I try to see