Not my bucket!

I was in sixth grade, 12 years old. I was on a baseball team. My mom and I were about to buy baseball cleets. Right as we were walking out the door the phone rang. My mom picked up. The vibe was happy before the call. My world was still somewhat innocent. Sure there were things that were fucking with my view of the universe but it was that call that shattered my universe alltogether. My mom started crying. I asked her what was wrong and she told me to wait in the car. She was balling at this point.

My friend Chris taught me how to build a quarter pipe skateboard ramp. We kept it in the garage. I went into the garage an sat on the quarter pipe. I started to cry. No one had told me anything at this point in time but I knew. I was fucked up. I was broken. My mom finally came in the garage and said,"your father is in heaven." I love how when they die we allways say heaven but if I were to believe anything I learned in church then he was somewhere else.

My dad apparently said at one point," When I die I don't want anyone to be sad. I want you to throw a big party."

My dad was fiends with big deal chasers. Work hard and party hard. It was allways feast or famine with these guys. 10 guys, my dad included, bought a huge yacht. This is where we had the party. The bar tender was serving me. I had never really drank before except for sips off my dads drink when he would ask me to get him a beer.

I remember some of his friends telling stories. They had me throw a reef into the ocean. More drinks. More stories. Drinking. Dancing. Blurriness. Someone approaches my mom,"Do you want your son to end up like his dad?"

I remember being at the airport after the funeral party. "Mom I don't feel good."

I saw a janitor wheeling around a trash can. I started running towards him. The janitor looked in my eye and started to shake his head no. I proceeded. I put my head in his trash can and puked my brains out. All I hear are the words,"No! No! Not my bucket!!! Not my bucket!!!!!!"

That was 25 years ago. Allthough I don't drink today, I still manage to upset people for puking in their buckets. It's kind of my thing.