the un-figure-out-able

My mind is an antenna
Nothing is permanent here
My consciousness is
When my mind turns off I lose reception
It's not lights off
That thought doesn't do anything for me
The antenna thought does
It does everything for me
This is a piece of the puzzle
It makes me feel better
I need this, just like the born again dude needs church
Time to live now that I don't have to figure out the un-figure-out-able

When I froze

This is for the one who holds my love
I can't reach, you keep it high above
Locked into the box I sit and stare
Shadows cover all that was once there
I'm holding on to sand
Slipping in the land
Of dreams
Taking all the keys
In a way that no one sees
It seems
Where did my surfing seem to go?
Watching waves high up on the bluff
I left my constant need to know
Now I'm froze with all the other stuff

Where can I buy a new me?

I'm running into the wall again.  Nothing to say, a blank mind.  I wish the issue was that my mind was empty, free of all thoughts.  It's true that I sit here and want to write something as my mind only shoots blanks, but the fact is I have too much going on in there.  I think I have too many viruses in my mind.  The virus has spread and the result is a crashed hard drive.  Yes I think that's what my mind is right now, a frozen computer. 

It's similar to a blank mind, they almost look the same.  It's like looking at a computer that's frozen and one that's asleep.  At first glance they might both look like they're asleep.  The only difference is when you move the mouse on the sleeping computer it wakes up and gives you access to the many files it stores and the millions of reachable files from the web.  The frozen computer does nothing.

I'm moving the mouse of my brain right now and nothing is coming.  It's frozen.  The hard drive was too full and now it's worthless.  How do you fix a frozen computer?  The first step is usually to turn it off and back on.  How do I turn my brain off?  Does anyone know where the plug is on these brains?  I can't find mine.

Another solution is to buy a new computer.  Does anyone know where I can get a new me?  I'd really love to pick one up.

no cry lullaby

Mountain time, soft unwind, turpentine, flashing mine
For sale, in jail, don't fail, long tail
Jazz mount, long count, curled hair, numbing care
Stretching fur, lapsing stir, manly cure, inside lure

Softly down, loudly clown, frozen ground, nothing found

Sitting gaze, things amaze, in this phase
That's why, no cry, lullaby

I need to figure out

I've got to figure it out
Then I need to figure out if I figured it out
That's gonna take a lot of figuring out
Don't you figure?
They say every cell in your body regenerates every seven years.
I'm different than I was twenty years ago
There's still some residue from that old guy
But the truth is I don't know him
I've got to figure this shit out

My therapist said the words he heard were
"dead on the inside"
and "cornered by life"
those are my sentences
what if there isn't a way out?
nothing to figure out
That's what I need to figure out

Dead

I'm dead
It's better that way
I was dying and that sucked
But now that I'm dead it kind of feels good
You can float when you're dead
You're responsibilities are way different than alive
It's more fun when you're dead
It's like you're alive
It's fun
Funny
It's definitely not scary
It used to be scary
For nothing
What a waste of time
dead

rambles to home

Time through the glass
Closing the eyes
Up through the fast
And the one final tries
Again and again
Is the only past
Remember the friend
Who's standing at last
Holding the horn
The music did blow
Get yourself born
Before you do go
Hits on the stove
Down in the trench
Walking the grove
Avoiding the stench
Writing the songs
Seeing the touch
Correcting the wrongs
And sliding the clutch

To home
a home
Any home
Make it mine