Park

Broken runs and the tv show
words gone bad and the want to go
kids stone face and the sound of death
no escape with the precious breath
it's time to kill and the moment is clear
the peoples will can get you somewhere near
but you need to tap into the one unknown
into the gap where you stand alone
the sky is bright and the call is dark
but the moon does light and the car does park
it's the type of place with feel so right
you loose the face but you gain your sight
so with the time as it always goes
I keep the rhyme from the one who knows

The helm

I've poked my head up above the clouds
to the place where angels spoke
I've played the songs to mindful crowds
I've felt rich when I was broke
morning comes with country air
and the more I felt I'd write
cause the angels did begin to stare
as I listened I did write
I want to see another realm
the one I touched before
give me license to the helm
and reach into my core

it's coming.

One's own home

Moving hands affects my brain.
Knocking the stands, riding the train.
I've got the move but it needs time
It's got the groove and the gold that's mine
Is locked below the unseen deep
The more you know, the less you keep
It's holding life for my protection
The sharpest knife won't cut reflection
To see the moment to stamp the mind
to seek atonement you can not find
Is missing marks without the thought
Bright are the sparks when focus is caught
It's all the same yet still unknown
There's better aim from one's own home

Outside myself

I'm on the outside. You would think I would be looking in but I'm not even doing that. I could be aware of so much but I'm somewhere else alltogether. I'm numb. I'm checked out. I'm tired but I'm not sleeping. My eyes are open but I'm not in control. I'm gone. Another universe.

Some people tale something for the pain. Or maybe they get into something. I just freeze. Like a computer freezes, that's me.

I'm nodding off as I write. I'm sober. I'm overworked.

Tired and stressed

I don't have a steady income. I take things personal. Work says I better fo a good job if I want more work. I don't care for subtle threats.

I like the road but I can't take direction. I have some type of a need for freedom and it's stressing me out. I'm sleeping as I write this.

My alarm is set for too early. My eyes must shut now.

It's all catching up to mr and I must face the truth.

I don't know what I'm writing. I'm in a dream.

My Understanding Of Stand Up Comedy As Of Today

Comedy is a tricky thing. It can slip through your fingers or it can lift you up to a higher plane. It can also drag you down to new all time lows. This is where my understanding of stand up comedy is after performing once or twice a week for a year.

First off, laughs are important. All comedians want them, this is the oxygen that gives a comic life. I heard early on that a pro comic gets a laugh every 15 seconds. You can be the funniest guy in front of your friends but when you get on stage in front of a group of strangers it's a completely different story.

You need confidence. If you're nervous the audience smells it. They need to know that you are in control or else everyone gets very uncomfortable and you get labled in their minds as not funny. Where does the confidence come from? Your mind needs to recall many different nights from your past when you made an audience of strangers laugh. So the first thing the comic needs is experience making people laugh on stage and they need a lot of it. You need to work that comedy muscle out.

Once you figure out when people are laughing you need to repeat that. When you can repeat it and people are laughing at the right places consistently then you are starting to get somewhere. You shorten the parts that are not funny and start to bring the laughs closer together. Eventually you get to the spot where you hear the laughs every fifteen seconds. When you get to this point you begin to understand your rhythm. Understanding your rhthym is important for when you are coming up with new material.

Eventually let's say you have a 5 minute act down with a laugh every 15 seconds. You're no longer just talking but you are basically reciting jokes every 15 seconds. This is where you can run into a pitfall. Maybe you start writig one liners because our entire act is basically one liners all strung together. This is fine but you can't stop there. This is when fear meets up with you. You know how to make people laugh and you know how to do it every 15 seconds! The only problem is how to come up with more material. When you were first learning to make people laugh, how did you start? You started by getting up in front of people and just talking. The only problem is at that time you were new to comedy and you didn't care that much about the laughs. Now you do. It's scary to start talking when you don't know where the laughs are.

This is a fear that you have to walk through. You have to eat shit. Just get up there and talk. Eventually you get a laugh. Then after a while you learn a talking rhythm that gets the laughs. In the end you want to know two things: 1. How to write and spot a good joke. And 2. How to talk funny. This combination is my understanding of stand up comedy as today. Hopefully it evolves and as the muscles grow the laughs come easier.

Up or down?

I have thoughts in my head that are socially unacceptable. They just pop into my head. It's not me, I swear. Yet if I mention these thoughts I get gang thumped with dissaproval. My head loves to beat me up. In the same breath it also tells me I can do great things. Maybe the great things thought comes first then the dissaproving hammer slams down and crushes all.

The first crazy thoughts were,"Wouldn't it be funny of I smashed this car battery on my wife's head?" please keep in mind that this was just some thought, I don't want to smash my wife with anything other than a smashing kiss. Then there's the thought,"Wow look at that baby on the stroller. I wonder what would happen of I dumped this hot coffee in his face?". It was just a thought people, calm down.

One thing I learned is that I'm not responsible for the first thought that pops into my head but I am responsible for entertaining it thereafter.

My mind will think something and then all of a sudden I'll hear,"I hate you Duke. I hate you Duke. I hate you Duke!". Another one that sounds freakier than it is, so please don't freak out, is this: whenever my mind thinks of something stupid I said or maybe immediately after I say something out loud that my mind deems unapropriate I'll hear this thought saying,"I want to stab myself. I want to stab myself."

Okay so far we've learned I have problems. When you put yourself out into the world creatively you open yourself up to be uncomfortable. I've been very uncomfortable because I've been following my creativity.

One cool thing I've experience after dedicating myself and adhering to a discipline is that I've started to connect with something bigger than myself. I've had a thought recently that said,"Theres no longer a reason to beat yourself up. You have your own greatness inside and you're starting to get close to it. You can stand tall with yourself if you want." This has been a freeing thought and I hope to follow this path.