Don't won't

Sleepwalk writing machine
time warp lighting feind
night lapse on through
friends of you know who
sure thing bet
holding what you get
hill roll tops
strong towel hops
no game end
time to spend
don't won't

Then laugh

It started funny
Then I got serious
Then It wasn't funny
Then it was kind of funny
Then it's just funny again

I think I'm becoming myself
That's all I want
And money and stuff
And a happy wife
And time with the kids

And a lot of laughs
And I want to make a movie
And then make another

And then more laughs

And then I want to meditate
Then I want to become a friend
Then I want to have a friend

Then I want to make love with my wife
Then I want to be at peace

Then I want to be funny again
Then I want to have the tools to not be depressed
Then more laughing

Steve Jobs - A great man

When I read the news I got sad
A little teary eyed
Why?
I didn't know you
But I guess I related to you
I saw a little of you in me
Maybe I wish I was you
Or maybe I wish I could be like you
That's not a bad direction to go
People stole from you
But you still were the winner in the end
You were an explorer
I like that
I've always enjoyed an adventure
This was your life
You took acid
I took acid
You then became rich and famous
I didn't

Worlds in collision

It's not a paradox
But when I'm going up I go down
It's a universal truth
Everytime
It's parallel universes
Separate worlds in collision
Pulling me apart
There's the world I want
And then there's the world I want
You say the words
But the subtext says I don't care enough
That's the thing
You have to care
And you have to care so much that you don't care

This is when you can move your worlds
Get me a Uhaul
I'm ready to move
And I care so much that I don't give a fuck anymore

Songs are easier

Comedy is by far more 
You say you love the tunes
But the man who shows his core
Has suffered many moons
To sing is not a joke
Your heart must somewhat ring
But the man who only spoke
Faces death before the king

I remember your voice
My heart did drop
there wasn't a choice
but to just stop
we sang the song
all the way to the end
right through wrong
right into friend

now I'm telling laughs for nothing and I won't get good until my heart dies

Wake me up gently

I'm tired as fuck
I cleaned my home this morning and tonight it's trashed
A week ago my 7 year old burned his hand on the curling iron
Today my 4 year old wanted to see what it felt like
He found out
A lot of crying
He likes ice now
In the last month I've spent over 30 hours watching rescue me
In the last couple days I watched season three of breaking Bad
My head isn't screwed on straight
I'm tired
I procrastinated all day on my writing
And my yoga
But I had time for two episodes of season 4 Breaking Bad and two episodes of rescue me
And I had time for a bunch of candy, ice cream and cookies
A lot of time
How does one screw their head on straight?
I'm broke
I don't have a job
Because I'm not a pussy
All I have is something that I'm running from
Or maybe I'm running towards it
It's alluding me
The stick and the carrot
They keep appearing and dissapearing
Wake me up...please

...But do it gently

My mission statement

What's my mission statement? Half the time I'm checked out, just going through the motions, definitely not thinking about my purpose or mission in life or whatever activity I'm engaged in. But I want one. I want to move forward in life. I don't want to always be a middle aged open miker who can't support his family. I want to do some shit and I want to feel good about doing it. I used to spend a lot of time wondering if I'd ever meet my wife and start a family. Ok, put a check in that box. The wife thing, check. The kid thing, done it.

Now all I have to do is be a good husband and a good father. Sounds easier than it is. It occured to me one day that I can't be either a good Dad or Husband if I'm not true to myself. How can you set a good example if you're lovig a lie? I knew I had to be living the truth if I was ever going to be the husband or dad I wanted to be. The problem was my foundation to life was faulty. I had to tear the whole thing down.

It's tough to be a good Dad and Husband when your family is living in a demolition zone. This is where we've been residing. Whenever you start a constuction process they say to expect it to be double the money and twice as long as the contractor quotes you. I'm far in this thing but at least I feel like a strong cement ground level foundation has been poured.

Wives and families don't give a fuck about foundations. They don't understad what it means to be a man. All they want is a warm place to sleep, a big bed and granite counter tops. Like I said we're sleeping on cement. The family is not happy with Dad. But still I'm doing what I think I have to do to be a man. Sometimes the man has to be a man whether his family understands or not.

I too am feeling like I overextended myself. What if this strong foundation I'm building never gets a house built on top of it? I don't want that to happen but these fearful thoughts are coming into my head. These thoughts will hopefully serve to motivate me. Now is not the time to rest on my laurels. Back to the mission statement. I'm in the middle of a bunch of rubble. I'm covered in dust. Sometimes I get overwhelmed an I don't know what to do. This is where I need a mission statement. A statement that tells me if I'm headed in the right direction.

Statement: To support my wife and family through my creativity.

My creativity I my personal truth. I need to follow this path if I'm ever going to be a real man. Only by becoming a real man can I be a true example to my kids and husband to my wife. Whenever I am stuck I can ask myself, "Is what I'm doing now going to help me support my family through my creativity?" If the answer is yes I proceed and if it is no I change my direction. Right now I am writing, opening the creative door. My answer now is yes.

So far I haven't figured out how to support my family through masturbation. Until then I change directions.