Inside job

Late night ramblings from a mad man again!  I'm tired and I'm half human, half space cadet.  Traveling the inner universe.  How high can you get from staying up late?  It's a pretty good buzz but it all depends on where your head is at.  That goes for any type of high you're going for.  Where's your head at?

If your head is good then it's all good.  Isn't that a song?  "Smoke two joints"?  It talks about how before he does anything he has to fix his head.  This is true.  So weird that life is all about what goes on between your ears.  If they were to take away everyone's money and wipe away everyone's debt and then give everyone in the world one million dollars, within a few months half the people would lose it all.  Gamble it, smoke it, sniff it.

If your engine and rudder isn't working properly it doesn't matter what life gives you.  You're boats going to fuck up and go in circle or maybe even sink.  It's an inside job.  Fix what's inside you and then hopefully the outside will work itself out.  I don;t know what I'm saying and it's late.

Goodnight.

With more I'm less

Watch the tears go
My emotions do flow
And feeling carries me home
It's sure to the fire
Your such a good liar
I beleieve that I'm never alone
I've heard all your thoughts
Looked over the plots
But I'm never sure which way to go
Just when I clear
You're straight out of here
I'm left holding less than I know
Each time is worse
since I've fell to the curse
please all I need is a hand
but it's silent like dead
and it empties my head
the more I just don't understand

Clouds

Screwed from the morning
knowledge and warning
mean absolutely nothing
my inside I'm stuffing
quit the head pain
driving insane
red to the road
the weight to reload
clouds overcome
leave me alone!

Last night was the best!

I'm a little bit high right now because my life has been awesome in the last 24 hours. I have had some very low moments these last few years, along with some highs, but it really has seemed that the negative has ruled. But not right now. Last night was one of the best nights of my life!

I was crushed when the talk show thing didn't work out the way I wanted it to. I was financially ruined and the finance doom and gloom thoughts have been a constant in my head. I took a stand up comedy class and I started doing comedy. I got consistant and got up at least onnce a week a lot of times much more. I took a job that involved a lot of travel and I was able to perform stand up and in about 5 diferrent states. It's been good for me but it's been a struggle. Lately I've really felt like I hit a wall. I wasn't progressing like I wanted to.

Then I took a job as a trivia host at a bar. I figured at least I'm getting paid to talk into a mic for a couple of hours. Then I really commuted myself to start writing everyday. I continued to get up consistantly.

A coup of trivia regulars became my fans. They would laugh at my jokes and show up every week. They searched for ne on the Internet and listened to my this American life segment. They wanted to see me do comedy and I kept avoiding it. Finally they offered me $150 to perform 15-20 minutes at a house party. I was nervous because I figured if I choked I wouldn't see then at trivia anymore. I kind of didn't want to do it but I've never been pai morethan $20 for comedy. Fuck yes I'm going to do it for $150! One othe problem in my mind is that I've never really done over 10 minutes.

I show up at this place an there's a bung of twenty somethings there drinking and hanging out. More an more people are coming. They're talking about me. A few people heard me on this American life. A girl wants to take a picture with me. The place get packed.

I perform and start killing. These guys are packed in this room, everyone is paying attention and they're all laughing! I did twenty minutes and hit it out of the park. I say I'm done an the crowd starts chanting my name and demanding an oncore. I do another ten minutes. I was the best night I can remember. I'm just really stoked right now. I wan to do more house parties!

I hate cancer

I hate Cancer.  I'm against it.  I've know people with cancer, it's terrible and what it's puts people through is disgusting. 

I had a brilliant idea to start a talk show from my bedroom one time.  I packed the audience in, 30 at a time.  My room was littered with talk show fans across my floor and covering my bed.  It was exciting.  I'm married and have been for quite some time, so as you can image once I started the talk show there was a lot more going on in my bedroom and before.  Like any great talk show I had an applause sign.  My sidekick Ryan was in charge of the sign and you better believe he used it.  And the audience clapped.  Whether it was an appropriate time to clap or not it didn't matter, if that sign lit up there was applause.  And when it was time to cheer that crowd lit up.  They were on fire!

One of the problems with hosting a talk show in your bedroom, especially if your bedroom window is four feet away from your neighbors bedroom is dealing with his complaints.  Like any good neighbor he would never say anything directly to me, but he did write notes.  He said ,"I don't know what you're doing, but stop it!"  I decided to go over and have a face to face with the old man living next door.  I figured that if I could just explain to him that this is my dream he would surely understand.  Apparently old people don't give a fuck about dreams.

He was angry.  He told me all the neighbors were angry.  I tried to explain to him about the whole thing about replacing Conan O'brien but it just kind of went over my head.  This whole time he thought I was holding weight watchers meetings.  This talk show was my dream and I was determined to make this guy understand until he pulled out the trump card.  He said ,"I have cancer.  I need to get my rest and I can hardly move after kimo."

You can't say' "Fuck you old man, you don't understand!" After he pulls out the cancer card.  I had no response.  I had to move my show from the bedroom and that's when everything started to fall apart for me.  My talk show was never the same, I began to lose momentum, I slowly became crazier and crazier, my life was ruined. 

And for that reason I hate cancer.  It doesn't just effect the person it effects everyone around them.

So long sucker (I'm right here)

So long sucker is what we'd say
As I headed out to start my day
When I came home the blood shot high
The skin then touched and the tears did dry
The feelings had were shared by all
And the trust was built held was the ball
A bond it was we did create
Oneness did then permeate
Family is the word we had
Brothers with their Mom and Dad
Water was the place we played
Mountains were the place we stayed
Love was all we ever knew
Us to them and us to you
Hold this time imprint each heart
Never will we be apart

The wrong rub

Ghosts have come but they bring songs
Time is spent correcting wrongs
How does love correct the fear?
It's something sweet inside my ear
Holding hands with the laughter trace
Lending thoughts for my embrace
Feelings stab into my heart
A new dimension begins to start
The dangerous seeds I do not spill
I use them up and try to kill
The heads do shake inside the club
The jaws can drop with one wrong rub